So I have been absolutely horrible at posting blog updates. I love writing poetry but when it comes to describing a shoot I put it off for years! lol.

This shoot of my aunt Tamra was extraordinary. It was a sunny and beautiful Montana day and we literally rocked 5 different outfits and so many different styled backgrounds that I lost count. What I love about this shoot is that it really shows her brilliance. There are many different facets of being an entrepreneur — you wear so many different hats and it’s hard to capture all of those parts of who you are! I have to say, though, we actually did it! We captured her love for cultures and her AMAZING tribal jewelry, her soft feminine side, her up front and in your face side, her earthy, nature loving side, her fun boho gypsy side, her badass business woman side, and her romantic side.

I can’t even express how fun this day was. We celebrated at Cafe Dolce in Missoula with some amazing wine and pasta. Could not have been a better end to the day.

Now if any of you need to hire someone to coach you on merging spaces with your partner or on interior symbology – she is your WOMAN, hands down! http://www.tamrafleming.com/

More pictures to come once she is fully launched!

Corporate Headshot Portrait Photography Tamra Fleming

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This day was meant for us. The sun was shining so we had to go on little adventures to find shade and to use the amazing backlight.

I have to say that red and green normally reminds me only of Christmas, but Gabby pulled it off with flying colors. You could say she is an absolute natural and everything I put on her she wore with grace and beauty. The thing I love most about this shoot is the delicate lines of not only her but the surroundings. The tree branches beautifully stretching their leaves and the spirit of the forest filling us up with every step we took.

MAN_5429-Edit

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What if for all of your life you were searching for something more than yourself. Something that relinquishes your being into a morphing of light and love at all times. You enrapture this concept and then all of a sudden it finds you and you are it. You become it. You are I am that I am. And then just as easily it is taken away. You lose it. You become lost. You are searching still for pieces of your soul….trying to re-map, go deeper, follow the veins, become the truth and then one day….you realize you were whole from the beginning. It was all there, all along. All you had to do was become it again without the searching. You had to look in the mirror as a complete being, beyond the flesh to see the truth. When you saw it, it shocked you. You didn’t know how to handle yourself as a complete person. What do I do with my life now that I am complete….what else do I have to search for? I am answered with the completeness of my being now may still need to peel back a few layers so my completeness in a few years is complete. I grasp and I absorb. I understand fully now. How do I embody this with no goal in sight – how do I live my life peeling back more layers if I’m scared to find out what those layers are? I let go and I let it be. And I am patient for the unravelling while at the same time lustful for the next level of completeness. Permeate me. Enlighten me. Become me. I am that I am.

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I seek the spaces in between the chatter and at times I feel as if I could fall so far deep into it that I may never return.

I watch people as they come in and out of my life or as they come in and out of my daily existence. It is safe to say that a majority of people are sleep walking through their life….playing a role…walking a straight line. I realize as I watch others, how deeply entrenched I am in my own emotions compared to the surface level that many people are accustomed to. In order for me to function, I have to feel it. I have to be empowered, inspired, or evolved in some aspect of my life at all times. There is always something deeper to experience…something more to delve into and a profound gift waiting below all of the feelings. When I start comparing my need for connection on such an intense level to other people…it makes me question the word love. Is that deep seated desire for intensity another form of love?

What is real love? Does it make us stop in our steps and grasp for air…does it align with the stars…does it breech every ounce of negativity if only for a chain of instances? Do we expect something in return for the way we love? Do we seek reassurance for our human mistakes or vanity within the confines of love and expect it to heal everything? Do we feel love even when we think we don’t have it? I was asking this question to myself yesterday….when do I love the most? It took less than a second to answer that question and the answer was, that I love the most when I am in joy, when I am embodying the full capacity of who I am capable of being. I have been on a quest for some time to fully embody my own self love and to continue shedding the layers that keep me from it. I have grown immensely over the years and have reached a place of solace and grounding in myself. It is occasionally ripped to shreds by deep seated emotion that comes to the surface, but then it is repaired and another layer of love shines through.

Those layers of stronger love that keep emerging brought me to another thought regarding the human life. I work with hospice patients and I see them in their last days at times. I have noticed that a few of the main regrets of humans are… not telling someone the truth or holding back their feelings…not trying for something they had always dreamed of….and not forgiving themselves. I then have thought to myself that people hold the expression of their deep seated emotions for occasions after their family members have passed away or they store it up for a wedding or another special occasion. I am in awe at times that as humans, we do not show our vulnerability on a daily basis. We drink or take pills to cover it up, all because we think the emotions are too painful or because we don’t want to show too much to the ones we love. I can say that I have been one these people. I never wanted cry in front of others because I didn’t want them to feel like they needed to take care of me. I wanted the world to know that I could take care of myself and many times, I flat out wore a ‘fuck off’ on my forehead. It is not until I turned 28 that my desire to hide all emotions was released. I began to unearth the tears and slowly…year by year…I got better at showing vulnerability. With those tears I got better at expressing myself and genuinely communicating although I still have a lot of work to do.

The thing that surprises me year after year is that we so often do not say the things we want to say in the moments we want to say them….we so often forget to tell people how much they mean to us because we get caught up in our daily lives. Why not say it now? Every day. Say something. Forgive them. Forgive yourself. Why not remember that each day passes quickly and that with each moment of deep seated emotion, there lives the possibility of reciprocation in another human to make it ten times more powerful in its state.

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I tried to catch the morning mist slowly flooding from my eyes
I tried to keep it in…yet…it’s more beautiful when it hides
I tried to picture a life within a frame inside my heart
But the edges blurred and the explosion took place
I felt your touch and held your embrace
A hand came down and gently pushed the rubbish away
Leaving songs from the hymns of high perched doves

When asked for the reality of existence
The truth was dropped from heavens door
The cracks that had been filled, broke open once more
Disregard the fragmented pieces of time
That dance circles around your dreams
Go back and look inside the caged frame you hid
Open the door to faith and escape into the life you love to live

tree

Photography Unknown.

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I began my evening with black lace and eyeliner, a joyful exuberance, and a crazy eyed quest for adventure.  Sometimes the profound experiences are the ones we cultivate within ourselves without the need for external stimulus or constant support.

As I drove into town with the mission of encompassing observation….a sort of profound bliss washed over me…..gratitude, perse, that I have the opportunities to tap into my love of solitude and enjoy the moments that are occasionally forgotten.

I took myself to a quaint little Italian Restaurant in the heart of Missoula.  The ambience can be correlated to a Seattle crowd…a mixture of yoginis, outdoors enthusiasts, new parents, avid winos, doting couples, and the not as frequent “table for one” woman dressed in all black.

I graciously spoke with my waiter and by the word spoke, I mean really spoke, as in I knew the details in his eyes and the way the lines moved on his face when he smiled and talked to me.  He had a sprig of lavender in his hair and exemplified kindness.  As I sat there scanning the room and glowing from the inside, I watched. I watched a new mother hold her baby, I watched a coupe of 21 years laugh with the jolly of two 3 year old children, I watched the awkwardness of a bachelorette party where the bride clearly had 12 different personality types all trying to speak about one common subject, I watched a couple stare at each other with what seemed to be blank void eyes, and I watched a spiritual man drink wine alone and exemplify health and happiness.

I have realized something in the last 8 months.  In my 3 year seclusion from many things I learned some of the most profound gifts and teachings that we as a species could ever believe or experience…the unabounding vibrance of true love.   Within these experiences I went deeper within myself to peel back those layers that were keeping me from love of self.  I made giant leaps and triumphs over my ego.  With these lessons and gifts I was given, I took them into this present moment and I doubled them by giving into human connection again in a very different way.

As I looked around giddily at the array of humans that took refuge in this small Italian restaurant, I thought to myself that those individual earthly moments…the simple ones, the ones that teach us to forgive, and love more, to see clearly with no judgment, to accept fully what we are given, and to remember who we truly are by seeing our reflections in the people sitting all around us, is truly a gift to be embodied.  How lucky are we to evoke, emerge, and evolve from what we see in others.  Tonight I was surrounded, yet I was so consciously alone that I was able to absorb grace in a profound way.  Gifts are those moments.

Filled Under : Inspiration

I grew from your lips; drenched in the teardrops of angels

You spoke to me as if you unveiled my fear

Memories enraptured your magnificence

Leaving nothing but universal truth

Glorified impulses and overflowing bliss

You beat through me with every divine breath

And you held onto the stillness of life

Your divinity began bleeding from the flesh

And the most unequivocal love dripped from your eyes

You melted into my hands

If nothing else other than to evolve, we remained

Each hand held and each breath taken

Gratitude extended beyond the boundaries of the Earth

And into the far reaches of the distance cries

I called you in and you let me go

Now I rest in our hands and grace is all that is left

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If through all the webs we weave; we sense the light at the end of the tunnel, then we have forsaken the drownings of darkness and ravaged our divinity

Through stones unturned and grass blown fields, our fleeting emotions come in waves of circular bliss and untamed trickery

But underneath it all the most profound gift of the heart, to make all the dark nights seem like fleeting ships in the distance

Such as holding a brick in your hand and feeling the sopping moss seep into the skin…only to penetrate the heaviest parts of the soul

Breaking free in light and love; for glory graces us with her presence in the natural capacities of life

She bundles us in her womb and presses the hardship through the veins and out the crown

Bless us, for all she becomes is within us

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I carry you in my heart like a moth to flame

Your reckless abandon brings my words to shame

You unravel my soul with words left to death

Becoming enraptured in a relentless secret unkept

I become one with your flesh

And you allow me the key

To bridge the unkept places that run ever so free

I hear the tone of angel whispered songs

And I entertain the idea of a love gone wrong

Yet I am always brought back to a place

Where secrets melt and there is nothing but your face

The layers fall off and the words are locked away

Yet within the cells of the story, all is seductively safe

I enrapture your absorption of  grace

And I see through the tears to the one sacred place

Away we fly, all boundaries left behind

For in your glory, there is nothing left to find

Santa Fe

 

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